A survivor of abuse walks into a church. She finally gathers the courage to tell her pastor what happened. She expects help. She expects protection. Instead, the pastor quotes Matthew 18. He tells her she must forgive her abuser seventy times seven. He tells her that not forgiving is a sin. He tells her to reconcile and move on. She leaves the church more broken than when she arrived. This happens every day. Joanie Pelchat knows this pain personally. She survived sexual abuse from her own uncle. Then, religious people used the Bible to pressure her into silence. Her memoir EMET: A Testimony of Truth exposes this false forgiveness doctrine. She offers a Torah-based correction that could save lives.
The Great Confusion: Forgiveness and Reconciliation Are Not the Same
The church has blurred two very different things. Forgiveness and reconciliation. They are not the same. Forgiveness is a personal act. It happens inside your own heart. You release the debt. You let go of the bitterness. You give the vengeance to YAHUAH. This requires nothing from the person who hurt you. Nothing. You can forgive someone who has died. You can forgive someone you never see again. You can forgive someone who never apologized. That is the power and the freedom of forgiveness.
Reconciliation is completely different. Reconciliation requires two willing parties. It requires the offender to repent. Real repentance means acknowledging the harm. Feeling genuine sorrow. Changing behavior. Making restitution. Submitting to accountability. Respecting boundaries. Without these things, reconciliation is not possible. It is not safe. It is not wise. And it is not commanded.
Joanie Pelchat makes this distinction crystal clear in her book. She forgave her uncle. She did not reconcile with him. She released the debt. She stopped carrying the weight of what he owed her. But she never pretended he changed. She never invited him to dinner. She never let him near her daughter. Forgiveness set her free. Reconciliation would have put her back in danger. The church needs to learn this difference.
The Misuse of Matthew 18: Seventy Times Seven
Religious people love to quote Matthew 18. Peter asks Yahoshua how many times to forgive a brother who sins against him. Seven times? Yahoshua says seventy times seven. Then He tells a parable about a servant who owes a massive debt. The master forgives the entire debt. That same servant then refuses to forgive a much smaller debt from a fellow servant. The master punishes the unforgiving servant.
Church people use this passage to pressure survivors. They say, See? You must forgive endlessly. You must forgive no matter what. You have no right to hold anything against your abuser. This interpretation misses the entire point of the parable. The parable assumes the offending brother actually repents. The context of Matthew 18 starts with instructions for confronting a brother who sins against you. If he listens, you have gained your brother. If he does not listen, you take witnesses. If he still refuses, you treat him as a pagan. The process assumes repentance as the goal. Forgiveness without repentance leads to enablement, not restoration.
Joanie Pelchat understands this deeply. Her abuser never repented. He never admitted what he did. He never asked for forgiveness. So she forgave him in her heart for her own freedom. But she treated him as the Matthew 18 process describes. She kept her distance. She did not pretend fellowship existed. That is not unforgiveness. That is wisdom. Her book EMET: A Testimony of Truth walks readers through this difficult distinction.
The Terrible Misuse of Genesis 9: Noah, Ham, and the Covering Lie
One of the most damaging weapons against survivors is the story of Noah. Genesis 9 tells how Noah planted a vineyard, drank too much wine, and lay uncovered in his tent. His son Ham saw his father naked and told his two brothers. Shem and Japheth took a garment, walked backward, and covered their father without looking at his nakedness. Noah then cursed Canaan, Ham’s son.
Church people twist this story to shame survivors. They say, See? You must cover the sins of your family. You must not expose what is done in secret. You must protect the reputation of the one who harmed you. This interpretation is wicked. Noah was a righteous man who had just survived the flood. He carried the weight of watching almost all of humanity die. He drank too much out of grief and sorrow. His sons covered him out of honor for a righteous father who stumbled. That is not the same as covering a predator who never repents.
Joanie Pelchat addresses this directly in her memoir. She writes that using the Noah story to silence survivors is a weapon of the enemy. Noah broke. His sons covered him because he earned that honor through a lifetime of righteousness. An unrepentant abuser has not earned honor. Covering such a person is not mercy. It is complicity. It protects the perpetrator while sacrificing the victim. YAHUAH does not bless that kind of covering. He exposes what hides in the darkness.
What Torah Actually Teaches About Justice and Restoration
The Torah places a high value on justice. It does not tell victims to stay silent. It commands witnesses to speak. It commands judges to investigate thoroughly. It commands severe punishment for those who harm the vulnerable. The false forgiveness doctrine bypasses all of this. It rushes straight to reconciliation without any justice. That is not biblical. That is spiritual bypass. It honors the appearance of peace over the reality of righteousness.
Joanie Pelchat lived out the Torah model. At twenty years old, she walked into a police station alone. She gave a deposition. She testified against her uncle. She stayed silent for four years while the case moved through the courts. Then the verdict came. The court convicted him. That is justice. That is what Torah requires. She did not skip justice and jump straight to reconciliation. She honored the process. And only after justice was served did she forgive in her heart.
A Better Way Forward for Survivors
If you are a survivor trapped by false forgiveness teachings, here is the truth. You can forgive your abuser completely. You can release the debt. You can pray for their salvation. You can let go of bitterness for your own health. And you never have to reconcile with them. You never have to trust them. You never have to see them again. You never have to pretend the abuse did not happen. That is not a lack of forgiveness. That is wisdom. That is self-respect. That is honoring the body and soul YAHUAH gave you.
Joanie Pelchat wrote EMET: A Testimony of Truth to set people free from this trap. She does not soft pedal the hard parts. She names the false teachings. She corrects the misinterpreted Scriptures. She offers a Torah-based path that honors both justice and mercy. The church has kept survivors trapped for too long. It is time to take the truth back. Forgiveness without repentance is not reconciliation. Justice without silence is not revenge. And the hidden God sees every wound. He will settle every account.
If religious pressure has trapped you in false forgiveness, read EMET: A Testimony of Truth by Joanie Pelchat. This book will free you from the lies and give you a biblical, Torah-based path forward. You can forgive and still stay safe. The book is available at emetbook.com, on Amazon and at all major retailers. Read it and breathe free.
